Archive | August, 2012

Pregnancy Update: I’m too sexy.

31 Aug

It took me three tries to log in. Three! That’s how long I’ve fallen out of the blogging habit for. In my defense, my sister was staying with us for a few weeks, and I didn’t particularly want to sit on the computer when I could be spending quality time with her. So, my dearest apologies, but family always comes first. In case you were wondering, we had a fantastic time. I discovered that not drinking around a bonfire is really, really, really hard. Back to school is in three days (!!!), and then I’ll be able to write more frequently. I’ll hopefully do a “looking-back-on-summer” photo dump as well.

On the subject of back to school, I don’t even know where T is attending school this year. Seriously. He was supposed to transfer to a school that’s better equipped for kids with special needs, but they haven’t contacted me. I reached out to them and am waiting for a response. It’s THREE DAYS UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS. Give me a break here. I’m stressed out enough, wondering if I bought the kids enough fucking glue sticks and the right kind of scissors.

Anyways, I’m supposed to be cleaning right now but I decided to break for a snack and blog update. Also because I’m frustrated that the “safe” cleaner I was using started taking the paint off my front door. Fuck. Now I have to repaint it. To stretch out my time not cleaning, here are some recent observations on my pregnancy:

Fuck heartburn. How does water give one heartburn? Please explain.

Fuck sciatica. I feel like a 90 year old man sometimes. I have to bend in half to walk. I need a cane.

Fuck insomnia. And on top of that, fuck there not being anything remotely good to watch when I’m stuck awake at 2AM.

Why have I grown five skin tags on my vag? The really weird part is, there are none on the left side. Just the right. Huh. Oh, there’s also one on my butt. HOT STUFF!

Never, ever, EVER rip off a skin tag. I pulled off a small one last night just to see what would happen. Oh my God. There was so much blood. And it didn’t stop bleeding for a good half hour. So don’t ever try that.

How come shaving my hoo-hah doesn’t cut them off?

I’m turning into a man. My pits get 5 o’clock shadow two freaking hours after I shave, and I’m growing a treasure trail. I’m so sexy. M thinks it’s hilarious and likes to make fun of me for it. We’ll see who’s laughing when I quit shaving and french braid my pit hair.

Speaking of hair, I thought the stuff on my head was supposed to stop falling out? It hasn’t. If anything, it’s falling out more. I’m going to be bald by the time I deliver. This kid better have a sweet head of hair to make up for all I’m losing.

How is my body building a mucus plug when half of it plops out into my undies every day? It’s like my vagina has a cold and routinely uses my panties as a kleenex, it’s disgusting. M made the mistake of looking over once while I wiped after peeing. That was the last time he did that.

*Pause to note I just saw a centipede run across my living room floor. Yuck. Goosebumps. I moved one piece of furniture. Proof that I should never attempt a deep cleaning. Ever.*

My nips are sooooo itchy. Nipples are really hard to scratch.

My boobs are not only leaking now, they are squirting. Well, the left one is squirting. Gets some pretty good distance on it too. M is now terrified of playing with my boobies. I kind of hope he forgets and gets squirted in the eye.

Lately pooping somewhat scares me. I’m afraid I’ll push too hard and my baby will plop into the toilet. I guess I’ve been watching too much “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”.

Why can’t I ever crave things at convenient times/places? For instance, why can’t I crave a snickers and a Dr. Pepper when I’m in the damn store, instead of at midnight when my only option is to walk my ass down to the corner store. Too damn far, and plus, it’s dark and scary outside.

This entry may cause you to believe I’m not enjoying my pregnancy. I totally am, I just feel totally disgusted but somehow amused by the freakshow that once was my body. Also, my early morning sleep farts can clear a room. Thought you might like to know.

Hope everyone enjoys their long weekend. We’re going camping. Hooray!

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After the rain…

7 Aug

After last weeks little meltdown, I think it’s time for a happier post. Nothing much has gone on lately, so we may just end up with a bunch of pointless rambling. I think that’s quite likely, actually.

M has been super sick lately. We think it’s a combination of a flu virus and inhalation of drywall dust. I say “we think” because as a man, of course he’s too stubborn to go to the doctor. Even though over the course of 3 days he got a total of maybe 5 hours sleep, threw up numerous times, and was just generally hurting and miserable and bedridden. Thankfully he brought home a proper mask to finish sanding T’s new room, and yesterday proclaimed he felt much better. We actually left the house! Hooray! It still sucks that our long weekend together was such a bummer though.

Speaking of weekends… Next weekend we’re heading down to Windsor to pick up my little sister! She’ll be staying with us for 2 weeks, so I most likely won’t be posting anything until the end of the month. I’m so excited to see her, because A) She’s my sister and my best friend, and B) I could use an extra pair of hands getting some stuff done around here. Yep, I’m putting her to work. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will! Muahahahahahahaha.

Jax is steadily getting more and more active. Or maybe just stronger, so I’m feeling more. Either way, at all times it’s feels like he’s running out of room, there’s always a head or a butt or a knee poking out. I can actually see his movements now which is cool, like waves going across my belly when he rolls around, and little pops when he punches or kicks. When M and I lay down together at night I think I spend more time watching my belly move than watching TV. TV shows come and go, this might be the last time I’m pregnant and I’m going to enjoy every damn second of it! My appetite is ridiculous lately, and my cravings will be the death of me. I wish just for once, I could crave a food that I actually have in the house. Instead of Burger King (across town), chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (M had to go to 5 different grocery stores to find some. Yes, 5), or flippin’ lobster. OH, and speaking of cookie dough ice cream, and M searching all over town for it… The only brand he could find was President’s Choice, and there’s fucking coconut flakes in the dough chunks. Why? Who the hell thought coconut flakes have any place in chocolate chip cookie dough? It’s outrageous, and quite frankly, ruins the ice cream. It sucks, because I’ve been craving it for so long, and I finally have it, but I don’t even want to eat it now because of the stupid coconut. WHY?

I ordered the kids backpacks and lunch bags and school clothes from Old Navy today. Picked up a bunch of supplies at Staples’ awesome sale over the weekend too… Counting down the days… They’re starting to drive me bat shit crazy, they really are. Sometimes I wonder if it would be considered abuse if I duct taped their mouths shut, just for an hour. I guess it probably would though, so I soldier on. I cannot freakin’ wait to be able to do my yoga and pilates again. FREEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM! For a few months, anyway.

Until next time!

How am I going to do this?

3 Aug

I woke up in a really good mood this morning, in part because I woke up due to Jax kicking like mad, and also because today I am 20 weeks. B is gone to her aunts and isn’t due back from her until later on, so I figured I’d have a nice mommy/son day with T. We were supposed to spend the day at Marineland, but I don’t drive and my sister-in-law and her daughter never called before they went, like they were supposed to. A little upsetting because we haven’t gone yet this summer, but no big deal. I told T we would take a walk down to the park and go swimming for a few hours after he cleaned his room. With that I did a bit of tidying up, and went into the bathroom to shower and get ready.

I come out of the bathroom and his room is worse than before. I literally could only open his door maybe 2 inches. I asked him why he hadn’t cleaned his room and he said “I just don’t feel like it, so we won’t go to St. George”. Which ticked me off, and I basically said thats fine, but regardless, you have to get your room clean, or else you’re not gonna be doing much of anything today. It’s a house rule, no chores, no fun activities. The kids are normally very good with this rule. Anyways, he immediately freaks out. He screamed at me that he doesn’t want to do anything with me, he doesn’t care if we have fun together, he doesn’t like me. Then I started hearing banging, meaning that he’s completely lost it now and is throwing his toys around. I open his door and again and tell him to clear the toys from in front of it so he can get out, and sit for a time out until he’s calm again.

Now he’s sitting in the corner crying and saying that he hates me over and over and I’m sitting in my room crying because I don’t know what to do, and I’m so upset and so mad and I don’t want to take it out on him. All I wanted was to spend some quality one on one time with him and it just completely backfired on me, and now I don’t even want to leave my bed. I called and made an appt with his doctor earlier in the week to discuss different meds and treatment options but the appt isn’t until the 22nd. I’m terrified about what life is going to be like when the baby comes now, because he needs so much attention but yet the baby will too. I’m scared for him to go back to school and hurt someone because he just gets so mad and he can’t comprehend how to manage his anger, he just gets violent. I’m mad at his biological dad who I haven’t spoke to since before T was born (by his choice, not mine), because I don’t know anything about his medical history on that side and I have no way of knowing what else could rear it’s head down the road on top of the ADHD.

I just completely feel lost and alone and like giving up. How am I going to do this? Are things ever going to get better?