Tag Archives: ADHD

Struggle.

18 Sep

So about 10 minutes ago I got a call from T’s school. T had been “targeting” another child on the bus this morning, and this afternoon at school had been very aggressive towards others, was refusing to do his work, and being completely uncooperative. His teacher, and other support staff, were concerned about putting him on the bus home (for good reason), and asked if there was any way he could be picked up from school. I don’t drive, and his school is 20 minutes out of town, so of course I had to call M, and he has to leave work to go and pick him up. I just can’t do this for another year. We’re 3 weeks into school and already the phone calls have started. He’s going to lose his bus privileges, and then how is he supposed to get to and from school? I don’t drive, and M can’t leave work every morning at 8, take him in, and then leave again at 2:30.  I just don’t know what to do. More than anything I think I’m mad at the association and the doctor who is supposed to be helping T, yet won’t return my calls. M has even been into the office and spoke with them, and for what? It didn’t make a difference. Short of going in there myself and throwing a complete hissy fit until the doctor speaks with me right then and there, I don’t know what else to do.

I don’t want T to be labeled as a bully. I don’t want him to be the “bad kid” that no one wants to invite to birthday parties and playdates. I want him to do well in school, and have friends, and get to be a part of things. My heart aches for him because he wants so badly to be good but he just can’t. He needs help and I want to get it for him, but the only people who can help him don’t care. I’m so frustrated and I feel so alone. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m supposed to be strong but I just don’t have it in me anymore. I don’t know what to do.

How am I going to do this?

3 Aug

I woke up in a really good mood this morning, in part because I woke up due to Jax kicking like mad, and also because today I am 20 weeks. B is gone to her aunts and isn’t due back from her until later on, so I figured I’d have a nice mommy/son day with T. We were supposed to spend the day at Marineland, but I don’t drive and my sister-in-law and her daughter never called before they went, like they were supposed to. A little upsetting because we haven’t gone yet this summer, but no big deal. I told T we would take a walk down to the park and go swimming for a few hours after he cleaned his room. With that I did a bit of tidying up, and went into the bathroom to shower and get ready.

I come out of the bathroom and his room is worse than before. I literally could only open his door maybe 2 inches. I asked him why he hadn’t cleaned his room and he said “I just don’t feel like it, so we won’t go to St. George”. Which ticked me off, and I basically said thats fine, but regardless, you have to get your room clean, or else you’re not gonna be doing much of anything today. It’s a house rule, no chores, no fun activities. The kids are normally very good with this rule. Anyways, he immediately freaks out. He screamed at me that he doesn’t want to do anything with me, he doesn’t care if we have fun together, he doesn’t like me. Then I started hearing banging, meaning that he’s completely lost it now and is throwing his toys around. I open his door and again and tell him to clear the toys from in front of it so he can get out, and sit for a time out until he’s calm again.

Now he’s sitting in the corner crying and saying that he hates me over and over and I’m sitting in my room crying because I don’t know what to do, and I’m so upset and so mad and I don’t want to take it out on him. All I wanted was to spend some quality one on one time with him and it just completely backfired on me, and now I don’t even want to leave my bed. I called and made an appt with his doctor earlier in the week to discuss different meds and treatment options but the appt isn’t until the 22nd. I’m terrified about what life is going to be like when the baby comes now, because he needs so much attention but yet the baby will too. I’m scared for him to go back to school and hurt someone because he just gets so mad and he can’t comprehend how to manage his anger, he just gets violent. I’m mad at his biological dad who I haven’t spoke to since before T was born (by his choice, not mine), because I don’t know anything about his medical history on that side and I have no way of knowing what else could rear it’s head down the road on top of the ADHD.

I just completely feel lost and alone and like giving up. How am I going to do this? Are things ever going to get better?

Is it Friday yet?

25 Jul

I have had such a crappy past few days. T’s ADHD is just getting progressivly more difficult for me to handle the bigger my belly gets. I think I’m going to have to set up an appointment with the doctor sooner rather than later.

Yesterday, we discovered that he is getting back into his old habit of stealing food from the kitchen. Since he gets up at the crack of dawn, he’s using the time before I wake up to go and help himself to whatever he pleases. I did a little research and was slightly comforted to find that this could very well be due to his ADHD, that a lot of ADHD kids use food as a way to comfort and calm themselves. At any rate, we can’t let it go on or he’s going to end up obese, and I’ll go broke trying to replace all the food he’s eating. So, we have resorted to locking the kitchen door until I wake up for the time being. This is not something I want to be doing forever though, so hopefully once I get T back in with a psychologist and back on his meds it will ease off. I was also told that green tea has a calming effect, so I may try that out after more research.

Yesterdays events already had me feeling like I wanted to scream/cry/beat up my pillows. Then today rolls around.

B and T went to the park down the road with some of B’s friends. I enjoy the peace and quiet, have a nice shower, get some cleaning done, and then B comes in the house and tells me there is a lady outside to see me. Uh oh. So I go to the door, and a very nice woman informs me that Tristan had CLIMBED ON TOP OF A FUCKING 2 STORY SLIDE ENCLOSURE AND GOT STUCK. They had to call park maintenance to get him down. I am so, so thankful that he didn’t fall, but even more so I am furious that he didn’t listen to my park safety rules. Needless to say, the kids are no longer allowed to make the trek to the park themselves, or I fear I may lose my mind and end up committed.

And for the rest of the day, I have been fighting back tears.
Sigh.
But, on a cheerful note, M just pulled in the driveway, so I’ll cut this short and post again tomorrow.

Canada Day weekend and a much needed thunderstorm.

3 Jul

This past weekend was Canada Day weekend, and we spent it the way many Canadians do; with family, and lots of fun in the sun. We attended a wedding on Saturday, in which B was a junior bridesmaid. It was a smaller, backyard wedding, so family members did all the cooking, and oh my gosh, I can’t stop thinking about the food! I even came home with a new recipe – Loaded Potato Salad. You know loaded baked potatoes, with sour cream, cheese, bacon, and chives? It’s that, but in potato salad form (and some mayo in with the sour cream). I’m pretty sure I ate half the bowl.

Sunday was Canada Day, and we hit three different spots. First stop was Flavours of Niagara, a food and wine festival set in Port Colborne. We weren’t there for long, since there was really nothing for the kids to do, other than play at the park. After that, we headed to Memorial Park in Welland for some live entertainment, and the kids swam, played at the park, and in the splash pad. Finally, we headed to the Friendship Festival in Fort Erie, where the kids rode the rides, Mike and I scoped out the vendors and did a little shopping, and we all enjoyed the fireworks display (even though it started half an hour sooner than advertised, and we almost missed it). I can’t count the number of times my left leg went numb from all the standing and walking, and by the end of the night my back was pretty sore, but the kids had a blast, M and I enjoyed the quality family time, and all in all it was a nice Canada Day. It wasn’t quite the same without a few ice cold beers, but that’s a small sacrifice to make when next year we’ll be celebrating Canada Day with our new baby!!!

I won’t bore you with the details of Monday, instead, just listen to The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars. It’s a pretty accurate description of our day. Today is seeing thunderstorms, kids that are complaining and bickering back and forth because they can’t play outside, and me following them around trying to keep this house somewhat tidy. I will admit I had a meltdown this morning, after I woke up to the living room completely destroyed, milk all over the kitchen counter, and dog food all over the floor. I found myself thinking “Why am I having another kid when the ones I already have make me want to tear my hair out?”. Luckily for them (and me), they know that when I’m mad, to just do what I say and keep quiet about it, everything is smoothed over now, and they’re playing a nice, quiet game of cards while I enjoy my “mommy time” on the computer. Which, in case you were wondering, involves me making virtual wishlists of baby items so that when we start really shopping, I’m organized. I love lists!

Well, that’s it for today. Nothing really interesting, just me trying to keep on top of this blogging thing. I feel like if I go too long without posting I’ll end up abandoning ship.

Oh! One last thing. I believe I mentioned before, T is an ADHD kid. If I didn’t, now you know. We made the decision to take him off his meds for the summer because he responds really well to the routine and discipline/reward system we enforce. So far he’s been off them for two days, and he’s doing really well, knock on wood.

14 weeks!

26 Jun

I’m a little upset with myself for not making time to post sooner than this, but the end of last week was super busy, and it’s hard to blog on days I’m babysitting. At least I’m still managing to uphold my commitment.

Saturday was B’s birthday. She decided on a pool party/sleepover. Relatively low key, which is nice, but it was a scorcher that day, and pregnant + hot = Not so fun. Our backyard has practically zero shade, thanks to our awning that used to be attached to the side of the house coming crashing down on our heads last winter (our fault, since we forgot to roll it up BEFORE it snowed… D’OH!). But all in all, Bailey and her friends had a fantastic time, so I was happy. And exhausted. No rest for the wicked though, as Sunday saw the Rose Parade in town. At least it wasn’t hot. That was nice.

I am 14 weeks pregnant now… Officially in my second trimester! Yay! The nausea hasn’t completely made itself scarce yet though… I sure hope it’s not going to stick around until little Jaxson makes his appearance. I was hoping my food aversions/ridiculous pickiness would go away too, but alas, I still only ever want to eat completely unnattainable foods. From my childhood. In England. They don’t even exist here! Seriously contemplating getting some relatives to send over care packages. Hubby was giving me the side eye last night when I came to bed with a cheese and onion (raw) sandwich. I don’t care, it was delicious. And besides, yesterday he was chewing Thrills gum, who’s slogan is “It still tastes like soap!”. He made me try a piece. It does. Barf.

On the bright side… I felt Jaxson move yesterday!!!

I think. I’m 98% it was him. It was definitely not gas, and unless my intestines or whatever decided to suddenly punch me, I would say it was a nudge from my little one. Mike has his hand on my belly constantly while we’re lying down, and on Sunday he swore he felt a kick… but I didn’t feel anything. And believe me, I’m hyper-aware of this stuff right now. I told him there’s no way, since I didn’t feel anything, and looking back, that was kinda mean of me. I should have just let him be happy and bask in the glow of his sons ‘kick’. Oops. Bad wifey.

T’s ADHD meds (Concerta) seem to be doing absolutely nothing for him after only 5 short months. Since I feel he really only needs them for school, as I have the opportunity and time to be one on one with him here at home, I’m taking him off them for the summer at the doctors OK. Why should I be putting $100 a month medication into T’s system if it’s not helping him? He’s been accepted into a school that caters specifically to children with behavioural disorders starting next year which I’m touring on Thursday, so I think I’ll keep him off meds until he starts, and go from there. It just saddens me so much, he was doing so well for a few months, and now it seems we’re back to square one, he’s aggressive and disruptive, can’t focus, is putting himself at risk of getting hurt… I broke down and cried after the report from his school yesterday. 2 more days. Only 2 more days and then he’s my sweet boy all summer. School is so frustrating for him.

I decided I’m adding some pilates and a little extra cardio to my current pregnancy workout regime of yoga. Wrapping this up now to fit one more quick routine before I’m off to the school to pick T up, I’ll be back in a day or two (depending on how interesting my life is these next few days).